Mother May I…..Touch Your Hair?

Hair, whats the fascination? It’s dead, has no nerves or muscles, can’t bleed or cause you to feel pain. But from a societal stand point, we’ve placed such an emphasis on this relationship between ourselves  and our hair that it can dictate how we interact with one another. More specifically how we interact with BLACK WOMEN.  Black women, the mystic creatures who against all societal pressure can manipulate, transform and express their inner persona almost whimsically, have all experienced at one point or another the onlooker who just has to ask …. “May I touch your hair?” But lets be real, even that is a luxury. There are more instances of the random hand fingering the ends of ones hair, as if to be stealthy or to ignore the concept of personal space and respect for others’ bodies. But personal space is a thing, and  its not enough that women in general have to be subjected to the unmotivated and unapproved fondling by a male dominated culture, but Black Women are forced into fulfilling fascinations created by curiosity as well. Okay okay, hold up… this write up isn’t to banish anyone who isn’t a POC (person of color) into staying silent, looking straight and ignoring anyone different out of fear of offending. This is to try and articulate the importance of awareness,. That interacting with one another in way that perpetuates negative stigmas, rather than positive participation can be a sucky experience for all people involved.  Personally, as a dark skinned, curly haired woman, it can make you feel like Sarah “Saartjie” Baartman or Ota Benga (google them if you don’t know) on display to either validate a stereotype or give someone the opportunity to fulfill their own curiosity. Black women have become the teachers and almost maternal figures on the edge, hoping a compliment won’t turn into some weird interaction where someone might just go beyond saying the words “I like your hair”  to asking wether you can wash it in the shower or if they can touch it. Before you say it, its not just because your hair is a crazy color, or in dreadlocks, or some comfy looking fro, it happens when you have plain colored, flat ironed, and over processed straight hair also. How do “they” feel? I ask myself that all the time, to grow up in a world were the ideal of beauty has been spoon feed to look a certain way, and then grow up and see someone different then them, and they’re intrigued, excited to see, and are attracted to but have little to no idea on how to talk about this ignored concept of beauty. I assume it probably sucks, and I must say I kind of feel for them, but the fact remains, Black Women are people, they are your sistas from another momma, and anything other than “I like your hair” should be geared towards your really really tight friends. If you don’t have a Black woman as a friend, thats what You Tube is for. Just type in “how to do faux locs or dread locs or protective hair styles”. I’M KIDDING. if you’re respectful and are aware, you might have a  positive experience & learn about something different. Before you ask a Black woman, or any woman for that matter, any question known to humankind, I recommend taking a second and thinking about what you’re saying, and why you need to know. I say to Black women, my curly haired compadres and all women in general, remain calm, and remember everyone is a teacher or could be, and growth isn’t comfortable but shouldn’t come at a cost of your own eccentric expression. Let them love you for who you are, but remind them that if their momma didn’t teach them, they can still learn how to respectfully appreciate you.